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Now, it's pretty clear that Donald Trump doesn't much care about inflation, ...gas prices, ...the housing affordability crisis, the health care affordability crisis, our strained and aged electrical grid, citizens' concerns about the proliferation of AI and data centers, ...the plight of the sailors suffering horrendous conditions on board U.S. Navy vessels, ...or, really, any of the issues that are currently impacting the lives of Americans. But it's crystal clear that what Donald Trump dearly cares about, what he cares about above all else - besides accruing personal wealth, that is - he's doubled his fortune to six and a half billion dollars during the first year of his second term - is seeing his name, image and likeness on things. It wasn't enough for Trump to stick his name on his condos, hotels, resorts, golf courses, and the countless gewgaws he's come up with and continues to come up with to put his name on and hawk to the American public. But since his return to the White House Donald Trump has been using the power of the Presidency and wasting mind-boggling amounts of taxpayers' money to plaster his name and image on U.S. government documents, programs and buildings. There's Trump Rx and Trump Accounts and the Trump Gold Card that grants a U.S. Green Card to anyone willing to fork over $1 million for one. There are the forthcoming projects that Trump has named after himself: the Trump-class battle ship, the Boeing F-47 (get it? 47?), the Arc de Trump, a massive structure that would destroy the Washington D.C. landscape, ...and, of course, his notorious mess of a 90,000 square foot, 400 million dollar Donald J. Trump Ballroom that already has. Then there are the banners of himself that he's hung on federal buildings, ...and the pictures of himself he's put on our U.S. park passes, ...passports, ...and his signature that will soon replace that of the Secretary of the Treasury on our U.S. currency. And there are Donald Trump's attempts, aborted so far, to get New York Penn Station and Dulles International Airport renamed for him, and, what must be a dreadful disappointment, a judge's recent order that Trump's name had to be removed from the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. But here's an idea. How about if, in exchange for taking Trump's name off the Kennedy Center, his name be put instead on something else, something very much a part of the contemporary American experience that deserves without a doubt to bear Donald Trump's name: A Food and Drug Administration Food Traceability Rule was scheduled to go into effect last January. This law would have required all food-related businesses to track the supply chain of high-risk foods, such as leafy lettuces, in order to immediately remove any contaminated food from the system and prevent outbreaks of food-borne illnesses. But Donald Trump put that rule on hold until mid-2028. This move, in addition to the rolling back of food safety regulations, the cutting of food safety programs, the laying off of food inspectors and the wholesale gutting of the Food and Drug Administration under Trump's Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr., ...is the reason that the United States is currently experiencing the largest outbreak of Cyclosporiasis in our country's history, with tens of thousands of Americans sickened so far. And so, in honor of their roll in the outbreak and continuing proliferation of this illness, I hereby move that its name be changed from Cyclosporiasis to Trumpkennedyasses. And there can even be a commemorative banner available at The Trump Store for $99.99.
References: https://www.newsweek.com/cyclospora-lettuce-update-fda-issues-strongest-warning-adds-3-more-states-12378332 https://www.fox13news.com/news/lettuce-linked-cyclosporiasis-outbreak-expands-3-more-states https://www.npr.org/2026/08/20/nx-s1-5930462/trump-health-foodborne-illness-outbreak-cyclospora https://www.nytimes.com/2026/08/15/health/cyclospora-invesigation-fda.html
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We can't all do what Dolly Parton did. We can't all sing. We can't all play the guitar. We can't all compose music. We can't all act. We can't all write books. We're not all gifted with a galaxy of desirable talents driven by a prodigious capacity for work. We can't all earn hundreds of millions of dollars and we can't all build commercial and philanthropic empires. We can't all give away as much as we earn. We're not all wired to be kind, generous, and perennial spreaders of joy. We don't all have superstar charisma. We don't all have the support, the brains, the confidence, the inner fire, the opportunity and the magical, metaphysical, indescribable secret sauce to reach our highest potential. We can't all work until the day we die. In fact, none of us can do everything Dolly Parton did.
But there is one thing Dolly Parton did that we can all do, something Dolly in her own words directed us to do, the one thing that ultimately directed her own life: "If you are in a position to help someone, you should do it." From now on I'll try, Dolly. There's much to love about the Ohio State Fair, cumulatively speaking. That is to say, there's such a constellation of exhibits, ...entertainment, ...food fare, ...commercial buildings, ...and other Ohioesque displays and offerings, ...that there's something for everybody to love, whatever their persuasion. This year though, I think anyone who visited the State Fair would agree that this year's Fair was better than ever. This was thanks to a number of upgrades had been added, mayhaps in honor of 2026 being the country's semiquincentennial, a theme that played out around the fairgrounds. There were several major additions and renovations, foremost being a new building called Ohio Showcase, ...which housed a theater that offered a little promotional film about our state, ...and an exhibition hall of Ohio's contributions to the nation and the world. The exhibition hall presented a panoramic view of the fairgrounds from behind black-dotted safety windows. In the building there was also a food court of Ohio eateries. There was a new Ohio Agriculture Center, this one open and bright, ...and air-conditioned for the comfort of the young animals, ...and likely for the comfort of the plants and vegetables, too. Next to the Agriculture Center was another new building, the Taste of Ohio Food Court. Smaller but much appreciated additions were the handwashing stations located around the fairgrounds, ...and an even more greatly appreciated upgrade this year was the proliferation of a traditionally scarce Fair commodity: seats and picnic tables, ...which can now be found all around the grounds. Best of all were the new many-seater picnic tables shaded by giant umbrellas that lined the food midway, so that there was now plenty of seating and shade for everyone. There were other additions here and there, like bubble tea stands, ...and finally, one quite noticeable subtraction. For the past few years there's been lots of Donald Trump merchandise for sale in the commercial buildings. But this year I didn't see one piece of Trump merch anywhere.
This may actually have been the biggest improvement of all at the State Fair. Books by Patti Liszkay available on Amazon: "Equal And Opposite Reactions" http://amzn.to/2xvcgRa "Hail Mary" https://www.amzn.com/1684334888 "Tropical Depression" https://www.amzn.com/B0BTPN7NYY |
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