10 Things I Wish I Wasn't Too Old To Do Anymore

    1. Wear sneaks that look like this:

        I'd own a red pair, too.

   
     2.   Roller skate.  I used to be a whiz-bang roller skater (ask my kids) but I'm afraid to try anymore because if some yahoo skater-dude ran into me and knocked me over and broke something everybody would tsk, "What was she doing roller skating at her age?"

      3.  Learn how to ice-skate.  See above.

      4.  Tell dirty jokes.
    
      5.  Send inappropriate birthday cards. *

   
       6. Stand on a chair and hang curtains.  Last time I tried I fell off the chair and broke a rib.  But I only got one pair of the curtains hung so now what am I supposed to do?

      

        7.  Try stand-up comedy.

        8.  Eat whatever I want, whenever I want and as much as I want without getting heartburn, a gall bladder attack, or caring about putting on poundage.
        Back when I was all about that bass.**

       9.  Sing "I'm So Fancy" with a karaoke machine.
  
       10.  Tell my children how to live their lives.*

      *Sometimes I still do anyway.
      ** All About That Bass, by Meghan Trainor.