  The day before yesterday Pope Francis gave what he called a "Christmas present to married couples" in a letter he released, ...filled with advice for getting along during these times of concentrated togetherness that the COVID pandemic has forced on people living under the same roof. Among the words of counsel he offered for couples working to keep love and tranquility in their relationship was this piece of advice: The most important words in a marriage are "please," "thanks," and "sorry." As someone who's been married for going on forty-five years, I agree in general with Pope Francis's guidance. But speaking from personal experience, I would offer that the form in which he gave it might be just a weence simplistic and calls for some expanded explanation and clarification. I agree that prefixing or suffixing any request made to one's partner with "Please" is an excellent practice. It's a common courtesy that polite people use in public. And being at least as polite to one's beloved as one is to everyone else in the world is a good basis for a good marriage or relationship. "Sorry," though, I think, can be a little trickier. Of course, apologizing to one's partner is important when one has hurt or somehow wronged, imposed upon, or aggrieved their partner, either accidentally or on purpose. Saying “I’m sorry” is absolutely necessary from time to time in a loving - or, for that matter, any kind of - relationship. But there must be more to an apology than just the words that are spoken. The words must be an expression of feeling. For example, I once knew a priest who taught at my college and, like most priests, was from time to time called upon to give marriage counseling. One time I heard him advising someone that if a person's spouse is angry at them over something they've done all the person has to do is say, "I'm sorry" and that'll be the end of it because once they've apologized their spouse won't be able to say anything else about it. What this priest meant was that "I'm sorry" is a handy tool for shutting up or shutting down someone you've offended. Which is fine, I suppose, if shutting another person up or down is your aim. But this sort of play is toxic to a marriage, or, for that matter, to any kind of interpersonal relationship. As a healing balm for any offense, from the smallest, most harmless, to the greatest, most hurtful, "I'm sorry" must always come from the heart. Apologize to your beloved as often as necessary. However be likewise careful not to fall into the habit of over-apologizing, as this behavior is not beneficial to a relationship, for not the least reason that it's downright annoying. Ah, but the same can not be said of the habit of saying "thank you" to each other. Couples can never thank each other too much. They can thank each other all day long without worry of over-doing it. Quite the contrary: couples should thank each other all day long: "Thank you for remembering to fill up the car;" "Thank you for taking out the trash;" "Thank you for chopping the carrots;" "Thank you for making dinner;" "Thank you for washing the dishes;" "Thank you for walking the dog;" "Thank you for tipping the server so generously;" "Thank you for being a good husband/wife/partner/ father/mother ;" "Thank you for marrying/living with/loving me." For two people sharing a household the daily opportunities to thank each other are endless. Couples should thank each other for the big things and the small things, for the everyday, mundane little nothing things without worry that either of them will ever tire of being thanked. Because saying "thank you" is another way of saying "I appreciate you;" "I notice you;" "I love you." And who ever tires of hearing that? And so, expanding upon the wisdom of Pope Francis, I'll say to couples, "Abide in 'Please,' 'Thank you,' and 'I'm sorry.' But the greatest of these is...'Thank you.'" Oh, and "How you doing?" is nice, too. 
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However, I should have considered the fine print more carefully, for when my mistletoe ball arrived I saw that it was battery-operated rather than plug-in, which meant that if I wanted light-up mistletoe hanging from my arch I would have to either have to leave the mistletoe lights turned on all the time or cliimb up to the top of the arch twice a night, once to turn them on and again to turn them off.
I decided to return the mistletoe ball and ditch the idea of a kissing arch until it hit me: I could simply wrap a strand of Christmas lights around the ball and plug the strand into the arch lights, in which case the mistletoe ball would light up with the rest of the arch lights.
And this is precisely what I did.
I decided to return the mistletoe ball and ditch the idea of a kissing arch until it hit me: I could simply wrap a strand of Christmas lights around the ball and plug the strand into the arch lights, in which case the mistletoe ball would light up with the rest of the arch lights.
And this is precisely what I did.
So now, thanks to the suggestion of my friend, my Christmas arch is a kissing arch as well. Stroll on by with a friend and have a smooch, why doncha?
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THE BEST WEST SIDE STORY...AND THE WORST
I wasn't intending to see Steven Spielberg's updated remake of "West Side Story." The reviews I'd read touted this new version of the 1961 movie musical as having an expanded storyline and some changes that set the love story between Tony and Maria as secondary to the relevant social issues that the film expounds upon.
Now, I'm all about relevant social issues. But I'm not about messing with "West Side Story," which, if you ask me, is hard enough to get right even when a production sticks to the original script.
Prior to the release of the 2021 movie, I'd seen five different iterations of "West Side Story": The sublime movie with Natalie Wood and Richard Beymer, one of my favorite of favorite movies;
Now, I'm all about relevant social issues. But I'm not about messing with "West Side Story," which, if you ask me, is hard enough to get right even when a production sticks to the original script.
Prior to the release of the 2021 movie, I'd seen five different iterations of "West Side Story": The sublime movie with Natalie Wood and Richard Beymer, one of my favorite of favorite movies;
...three high school productions; and a 1976 Broadway tour shown at the Schubert Theater in Philadelphia starring Leslie Uggams as Maria.
I - along with the rest of the world - loved the movie. None of the "West Side Story" stage performances I subsequently saw were all that good. The problem with most of the stage productions was the character of Maria, an elusively difficult character to portray. None of the stage Marias I saw succeeded in capturing the mix of innocence, sweetness and strength that Natalie Wood gave the character in the movie. All the other Marias in the productions I saw somehow missed the mark and came across as kind of bratty and annoying. But again, Maria is a hard character to get right.
Still, all the high school "West Side Story" productions I saw were a sight better than that one Broadway production, which was by far the worst of the batch, mainly because Leslie Uggams was by far the worst Maria of the batch.
Still, all the high school "West Side Story" productions I saw were a sight better than that one Broadway production, which was by far the worst of the batch, mainly because Leslie Uggams was by far the worst Maria of the batch.
Part of the problem, I think, was that Leslie Uggams was in her mid-thirties at the time and looked every day of her age. She seemed more like Tony's mom. But the main problem for me was that she never got into the character of Maria - she was Leslie Uggams in concert. She never moved around much on the stage, even while singing "I feel pretty." The first time Leslie Uggams appeared on stage the audience applauded. When she sang the spotlight was on her, and the audience applauded afterwards. They - unlike me - were obviously there to see Leslie Uggams, not "West Side Story." As for the Sharks and the Jets, the director's idea must have been to have them show toughness and hostility by peppering their dialogue with "F... You," "Bulls...," and all the other standard obscenities to include flipping each other the finger on a regular basis. That concept was pretty ineffective and the whole production was kind of excruciating to sit through.
Hence I had no desire to sit through another excruciating "West Side Story," as I feared the Spielberg movie might be.
However I figured there was no harm in listening to the soundtrack. So I pulled up the "West Side Story" 2021 soundtrack on Youtube.
Hence I had no desire to sit through another excruciating "West Side Story," as I feared the Spielberg movie might be.
However I figured there was no harm in listening to the soundtrack. So I pulled up the "West Side Story" 2021 soundtrack on Youtube.
The soundtrack took me by surprise. It was beautiful. That is to say, even more beautiful than the original Broadway or movie musical soundtracks. There was something about the orchestration: Basically the same, but different, a few changes here and there, some variations of tempo and instrumentation. And the singers had the most wonderful voices. And there was a new song sung in Spanish. I was captivated by the music and the singing.
And so. because I loved the soundtrack, I decided to check out the movie. I went last Friday to an 11:25 am matinee with my sister Romaine. (We went at this early time in hopes of avoiding a COVID crowd. In fact there were only three other people in the theater besides us).
What did I think of this movie version of "West Side Story?" I loved it. that is to say, I love, love, LOVED it! It grabbed me from the opening scene of a slum neighborhood in the process of being demolished and held me, captivated me, transported me and gripped my heart for the next fleeting two-and-a-half hours.
And so. because I loved the soundtrack, I decided to check out the movie. I went last Friday to an 11:25 am matinee with my sister Romaine. (We went at this early time in hopes of avoiding a COVID crowd. In fact there were only three other people in the theater besides us).
What did I think of this movie version of "West Side Story?" I loved it. that is to say, I love, love, LOVED it! It grabbed me from the opening scene of a slum neighborhood in the process of being demolished and held me, captivated me, transported me and gripped my heart for the next fleeting two-and-a-half hours.
Rachel Zegler was the perfect Maria,
...and the chemistry between her Maria and Ansel Elgort's Tony sparkled.
As for the expanded background and back stories added to this movie by screenwriter Tony Kushner, it felt like this was all the better to tell more explicitly what creators Jerome Robbins, Stephen Sondheim, Arthur Laurent and Leonard Bernstein knew and meant when they created the original "West Side Story" over sixty-five years ago. For example, in Spielberg's film it's obvious that the character of Anybody's is a transgender boy,
...something that most audience members wouldn't have understood (though some surely would have understood in secret) in 1957 when the musical first came to the stage, or in 1961 when it came to the movie screen,
...but that the original crafters of "West Side Story" obviously did.
So, I'm making the bold declaration: The new Steven Spielberg "West Side Story" is the best "West Side Story" of them all and, all due respect to Natalie Wood, Richard Beymer, et al, this one is my new favorite. And I'll definitely be catching another matinee.
So, I'm making the bold declaration: The new Steven Spielberg "West Side Story" is the best "West Side Story" of them all and, all due respect to Natalie Wood, Richard Beymer, et al, this one is my new favorite. And I'll definitely be catching another matinee.
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SEEING THE COLUMBUS SIGHTS AND LIGHTS
Last Sunday, December 12, my sister Romaine flew into Columbus from Oregon for a six-day visit.
Tommy and Emily came over Sunday night to help us welcome her with a celebration dinner,
...of rice and vegetable casserole, Parmesan baked squash, green beans almondine and hot rolls.
Romaine and I spent the next five days taking in some of the local sights and holiday lights.
On Monday we visited the Franklin Park Conservatory,
On Monday we visited the Franklin Park Conservatory,
...a vast greenhouse,
...where botanical environments from around the planet share space with special exhibits and the glass sculptures of artist Dale Chihuly.
Among the holiday exhibits were a pointsettia display,
...a gingerbead house contest,
...and an outdoor display which is reputed to be quite beautiful at night when all the lights are lit,
...and where the idea of a Christmas arch just might have originated.
The following day Romaine, my daughter Theresa and I went to the Columbus Immersive Van Gogh exhibit, my second time around (See post from 11/22/2021, https://www.ailantha.com/blog/immersed-in-van-gogh).
Romaine and Theresa were charmed and enchanted by the show, as was I, as much this time as my first time.
And, like the first time I saw this Van Gogh exhibit, it struck me once again that there is more than enough material in the ordinary things and people to inspire any artist,
...or, for that matter, any writer.
After the Van Gogh we had lunch at a cute little restaurant I happened to spot along Polaris Parkway called Mimi's Cafe.
...where Romaine and I had the delicious Chicken and Quinoa Mediterranean Salad,
...and Theresa had the Brown Rice, Quinoa and Farro, which she also liked.
That night Romaine, Tom, and I went to Easton Town Center to walk around the outdoor light displays,
...and the indoor displays, too.
On Wednesday night Romaine and I walked the mile-and-a-half from my house to Creekside Park to see the holiday lights there.
Apparently Christmas arches are more of a thing than I had realized.
On Thursday night we went downtown for dinner at the Spaghetti Warehouse,
...followed by a riverfront walk along the Scioto Mile.
At one point it occurred to me that if Columbus, Ohio doesn't have a white Christmas,
...at least we'll have a bright one.
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MY CHRISTMAS ARCH
In truth, I didn't come up with the idea for the lighted Christmas arch that currently spans the sidewalk in front of my house. The arch was an idea that I copied from a neighbor a couple of streets over from me.
Last year at Christmastime I spied this dazzling arch erected by my neighbor,
Last year at Christmastime I spied this dazzling arch erected by my neighbor,
...was enchanted by it, and decided that the following year I wanted to build such an arch across my sidewalk.
However, as many of us know, there's often a long bridge of inertia between desire and acheivement, and getting across this bridge can require a massive thrust of energy, ambition, and will-power. Manys a project and plan of mine have sputtered before the first step.
But I've also learned that sometimes it's just forcing that first step across the inertia bridge that makes the second, third, fourth and final steps happen. In fact sometimes taking that first step puts you in a position that obligates you to follow through. Or else end up looking like a schmoe.
Such was the case with the the first step in this project, which was me convincing myself to walk the several blocks to the house, where, happily, the Christmas arch was set up again this year,
However, as many of us know, there's often a long bridge of inertia between desire and acheivement, and getting across this bridge can require a massive thrust of energy, ambition, and will-power. Manys a project and plan of mine have sputtered before the first step.
But I've also learned that sometimes it's just forcing that first step across the inertia bridge that makes the second, third, fourth and final steps happen. In fact sometimes taking that first step puts you in a position that obligates you to follow through. Or else end up looking like a schmoe.
Such was the case with the the first step in this project, which was me convincing myself to walk the several blocks to the house, where, happily, the Christmas arch was set up again this year,
...knocking on the door, introducing myself, and asking if I could pick the brain of the builder of the arch.
As it turned out, the friendly builder was oh, so happy to help me. He generously came out of his house, went over the construction details with me, told me what materials I'd need and the quantities and where to purchase said materials, and shared some helpful tips.
As it turned out, the friendly builder was oh, so happy to help me. He generously came out of his house, went over the construction details with me, told me what materials I'd need and the quantities and where to purchase said materials, and shared some helpful tips.
Now, my neighbor's Christmas arch was a fabulous 35-foot structure with seven arched sections. I wanted to go a little less ambitious on my first try, and so I decided on a 20-foot structure with four arched sections.
Following my neighbor's schematic, I figured I'd need the following materials for a slightly shorter arch:
31 5-foot pieces of 1/2" PVC pipe
6 3-way connector pipe fittings
9 4-way connector pipe fittings
10 12'' lenghts of rebar
Zip ties
Mini colored Christmas lights on white wires
My neighbor was quite enthusiastic about my copying his idea and lighting up my street as he had lit up his and even offered to come over and help me with the construction. Thus I knew, having pulled someone else all up into this not-yet-conceived-brain-child project, I had no choice but to either make it happen or look, in the eyes of my newly-met, helpful can-do neighbor, like a big-talking can't doer. I decided to absolutely make it happen.
The next step, per the instructions of our helpful neighbor, was for my mate Tom - now also pulled into the project - and I to head over to Home Depot to gather our supplies, which we did on Thursday, December 2.
The PVC pipe, 10-foot lenghts cut in half for us by a Home Depot staffer
Following my neighbor's schematic, I figured I'd need the following materials for a slightly shorter arch:
31 5-foot pieces of 1/2" PVC pipe
6 3-way connector pipe fittings
9 4-way connector pipe fittings
10 12'' lenghts of rebar
Zip ties
Mini colored Christmas lights on white wires
My neighbor was quite enthusiastic about my copying his idea and lighting up my street as he had lit up his and even offered to come over and help me with the construction. Thus I knew, having pulled someone else all up into this not-yet-conceived-brain-child project, I had no choice but to either make it happen or look, in the eyes of my newly-met, helpful can-do neighbor, like a big-talking can't doer. I decided to absolutely make it happen.
The next step, per the instructions of our helpful neighbor, was for my mate Tom - now also pulled into the project - and I to head over to Home Depot to gather our supplies, which we did on Thursday, December 2.
The PVC pipe, 10-foot lenghts cut in half for us by a Home Depot staffer
The connectors and pieces of rebar
Locating the zip ties.
The white-wired Christmas lights we located at Meijer's. We would end up using ten boxes - 1,000 lights.
On Saturday, December 4, Tommy came over to help us construct the arch. We prefaced the project with a lunch of French Bread Pizzas and Caesar salad,
...then we got to work.
First Tom and Tommy pounded into the ground the lenghts of rebar, 6 inches into the ground to anchor the pipes and six inches above ground over which to slip the pipes,
....five feet apart lengthwise and nine feet, two inches apart widthwise.
Then we set to work building the arch.
And piece by piece,
...row by row,
...I got to watch my archway grow.
After the frame was finished it was time to string the lights.
Alas, we ran out of lights before my vision was fully achieved, however just as we were finishing up for the night my neighbor, the architect of the original arch, drove by our house and got out of his car to compliment us on our creation so far. I was glad I could hold my head up for having accomplished - or nearly accomplished - what I had declared I was planning to.
Over the next few days I acquired more lights (to total 1,000) and finished the stringing, then I finished off the oeuvre with some lighted candy canes, and voilá,
...my Christmas arch, which all are welcome to walk and linger under,
...and enjoy.
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OH! CALACATTA!
...Continued from last time:
Anyway, I finally chose a slab from the stone supply warehouse to replace my kitchen countertops, which I don't want replaced, but alas, now have no choice unless I want to live with this:
Anyway, I finally chose a slab from the stone supply warehouse to replace my kitchen countertops, which I don't want replaced, but alas, now have no choice unless I want to live with this:
It's called Calacatta Brazil quartzite. In truth I was not in love with this piece of stone. But I was less not in love with it than I was not in love with every other piece of stone in the warehouse.
So I decided on the Calacutta Brazil quartzite.
"Calacatta?" I said when I saw the name printed on the side of the slab. "Did they misspell that?" I pointed out the odd orthography to the staffer who had brought me back to the warehouse and was more or less following me around as I moved from slab to slab.
"They just spell it so many different ways," the diplomatic (and probably somewhat weary of trailing me) staffer replied.
Then it occurred to me: Ah, Calacatta Brazil quartzite must be from Brazil, where Portuguese is the language. Hence the non-English spelling.
Still, I wondered what it was about this quartzite that caused it to be named after a city in India.
Mayhaps the flowing movement of the pale brownish-goldish veins through the illusive light stone evoked for some early South American stone-cutter exotic images of the Ganges moving through a mysterious alluring landscape? Or something like that? Now I found myself wanting to know from where my future kitchen accoutrement derived its intriguing name. I googled it.
Turns out that whoever christened Calacatta Brazil quartzite wasn't thinking of Calcutta. They were thinking of Calacatta, a rare, uber-pricey luxury marble quarried in Carrara, Italy, the veining of which apparently resembles the veining in a particular kind of quartzite mined in Brazil.
Calacatta Marble:
So I decided on the Calacutta Brazil quartzite.
"Calacatta?" I said when I saw the name printed on the side of the slab. "Did they misspell that?" I pointed out the odd orthography to the staffer who had brought me back to the warehouse and was more or less following me around as I moved from slab to slab.
"They just spell it so many different ways," the diplomatic (and probably somewhat weary of trailing me) staffer replied.
Then it occurred to me: Ah, Calacatta Brazil quartzite must be from Brazil, where Portuguese is the language. Hence the non-English spelling.
Still, I wondered what it was about this quartzite that caused it to be named after a city in India.
Mayhaps the flowing movement of the pale brownish-goldish veins through the illusive light stone evoked for some early South American stone-cutter exotic images of the Ganges moving through a mysterious alluring landscape? Or something like that? Now I found myself wanting to know from where my future kitchen accoutrement derived its intriguing name. I googled it.
Turns out that whoever christened Calacatta Brazil quartzite wasn't thinking of Calcutta. They were thinking of Calacatta, a rare, uber-pricey luxury marble quarried in Carrara, Italy, the veining of which apparently resembles the veining in a particular kind of quartzite mined in Brazil.
Calacatta Marble:
Calacatta Brazil quartzite:
The google article I read also specifically pointed out - probably for the benefit of people like me - that Calacatta has nothing to do with Calcutta, the city in India. (I also looked up the Portuguese spelling of "Calcutta." It's "Calcutá").
Oh. Calacatta. Okay. Calacatta Brazil quartzite it will be. Once it's in my kitchen maybe I'll look at it and think of Italy. Or Calcutta. Either of which place I wouldn't mind being right now.
Oh. Calacatta. Okay. Calacatta Brazil quartzite it will be. Once it's in my kitchen maybe I'll look at it and think of Italy. Or Calcutta. Either of which place I wouldn't mind being right now.
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IT GETS WORSE
...Continued from last time:
There's some pertinent information I didn't include in my previous post, which was (as this post likewise is) a continuing chronicle of my Agony in the Kitchen, aka My Kitchen Remodel from Purgatory. (I've decided it's not quite from Hell yet, but seems to be sliding further south by the day).
What I did share in my last post (https://www.ailantha.com/blog/the-agony-in-the-kitchen) was that the piece of Brown Latte quartzite countertop to replace the debacle pictured below,
There's some pertinent information I didn't include in my previous post, which was (as this post likewise is) a continuing chronicle of my Agony in the Kitchen, aka My Kitchen Remodel from Purgatory. (I've decided it's not quite from Hell yet, but seems to be sliding further south by the day).
What I did share in my last post (https://www.ailantha.com/blog/the-agony-in-the-kitchen) was that the piece of Brown Latte quartzite countertop to replace the debacle pictured below,
...couldn't be delivered last Friday, December 3, as promised because supposedly somebody in the stone company warehouse laid a backsplash against my new countertop and it (my new countertop) got wet. (Don't ask me to explain. I cannot). Hence the countertop needed a few more days to dry out again.
What I left out was that the stone company rep absolutely assured me that my replacement Brown Latte countertop would absolutely be dried out and absolutely delivered and installed on Monday. Or if not Monday, maybe Wednesday.
Now, the reason I did not share this information is because, though the stone company rep all but swore on the head of their first, second, and third borns that my new sink countertop would be delivered on Monday - or maybe Wednesday - I did not, in my heart of hearts, believe them.
Everybody reading this gets one guess whether or not my countertop was delivered yesterday - yesterday was Monday - or whether it will be delivered on Wednesday.
Correct! My new sink countertop was not delivered yesterday. And it will not be delivered on Wednesday, either.
Why, you ask? Well here's how it was explained to me: Although the countertop was perfectly dry and ready to go yesterday morning, some idiot (their word, not mine, though, you know...) for some unknown reason subjected the countertop to high heat and scorched it.
What I left out was that the stone company rep absolutely assured me that my replacement Brown Latte countertop would absolutely be dried out and absolutely delivered and installed on Monday. Or if not Monday, maybe Wednesday.
Now, the reason I did not share this information is because, though the stone company rep all but swore on the head of their first, second, and third borns that my new sink countertop would be delivered on Monday - or maybe Wednesday - I did not, in my heart of hearts, believe them.
Everybody reading this gets one guess whether or not my countertop was delivered yesterday - yesterday was Monday - or whether it will be delivered on Wednesday.
Correct! My new sink countertop was not delivered yesterday. And it will not be delivered on Wednesday, either.
Why, you ask? Well here's how it was explained to me: Although the countertop was perfectly dry and ready to go yesterday morning, some idiot (their word, not mine, though, you know...) for some unknown reason subjected the countertop to high heat and scorched it.
Now the countertop is ruined.
Upon hearing this news I didn't know whether I felt more sorry for myself or the poor repeatedly abused countertop.
I was informed that the roasted replacement countertop was the last piece of Brown Latte quartzite left from the lot from which all my kitchen countertop pieces were fabricated. If fabricators were to make a new sink countertop from a piece of Brown Latte cut from a different stone lot than was used for the rest of my countertops, then the new countertop could not be expected to match the rest of the (perfectly fine) countertops.
Upon hearing this news I didn't know whether I felt more sorry for myself or the poor repeatedly abused countertop.
I was informed that the roasted replacement countertop was the last piece of Brown Latte quartzite left from the lot from which all my kitchen countertop pieces were fabricated. If fabricators were to make a new sink countertop from a piece of Brown Latte cut from a different stone lot than was used for the rest of my countertops, then the new countertop could not be expected to match the rest of the (perfectly fine) countertops.
Hence, instead of just replacing the damaged countertop, now all the countertops in the kitchen will have to be pulled out and a new set made from a new slab of stone, either another slab of Brown Latte quartzite or some other stone of my choice.
I shall leave out the details of the conversation that ensued between myself and the stone company rep except to say that the rep had called his company's wholesaler and found out that the wholesaler had a couple of slabs of Brown Latte quartzite in stock and so the stone company rep exhorted me, if I still wanted Brown Latte for my replacement countertops, to boogie-oogie immediately to the stone wholesaler's warehouse at the other end of the county and lay claim to one of the remaining Brown Latte slabs because if the warehouse order was made by today then the stone company could absolutely have my countertops installed by next week.
And so drop everything and boogie-oogie across the county I did, because I did still want Brown Latte, I loved my Brown Latte, and I must have arrived at the wholesaler's warehouse looking as frazzled as I was feeling as several of the staff immediately came to my assistance and offered me something to drink.
Anyway, I told the kind warehouse staffers my tale of woe while they shook their heads in what I took for disbelief and sympathy. They told me to have a seat and relax while they sent a crane into the deep warehouse recesses to pull out the two slabs of Brown Latte quartzite left in stock.
Then one of the staff members walked me back through the slabs,
I shall leave out the details of the conversation that ensued between myself and the stone company rep except to say that the rep had called his company's wholesaler and found out that the wholesaler had a couple of slabs of Brown Latte quartzite in stock and so the stone company rep exhorted me, if I still wanted Brown Latte for my replacement countertops, to boogie-oogie immediately to the stone wholesaler's warehouse at the other end of the county and lay claim to one of the remaining Brown Latte slabs because if the warehouse order was made by today then the stone company could absolutely have my countertops installed by next week.
And so drop everything and boogie-oogie across the county I did, because I did still want Brown Latte, I loved my Brown Latte, and I must have arrived at the wholesaler's warehouse looking as frazzled as I was feeling as several of the staff immediately came to my assistance and offered me something to drink.
Anyway, I told the kind warehouse staffers my tale of woe while they shook their heads in what I took for disbelief and sympathy. They told me to have a seat and relax while they sent a crane into the deep warehouse recesses to pull out the two slabs of Brown Latte quartzite left in stock.
Then one of the staff members walked me back through the slabs,
....to where the pieces of Brown Latte had been set up for my inspection. I could choose whichever piece I preferred for the fabrication of my new set of countertops.
The staffer showed me the two Brown Latte Quartzite slabs. But instead of something closely akin to the light, creamy, subtle stone that I'd fallen in love with and chosen for my first round of countertops,
The staffer showed me the two Brown Latte Quartzite slabs. But instead of something closely akin to the light, creamy, subtle stone that I'd fallen in love with and chosen for my first round of countertops,
...what I saw before me was this:
...and this:
Two slabs of loud, black-veined stone that made me think of spider webs.
"No, no," I said, "these can't be Brown Latte! Neither of these look remotely like what I chose last time!"
I went on to describe to the staffer what the stone in my kitchen counters looked like.
"Oh, oh, oh," said the staffer. "Yes, I recall what you're describing." The staffer sighed. "That particular piece of Brown Latte that you got was from a very unique and unusual lot. I doubt we'll get anything like that lot again." They pointed to the two slabs before me. "This is a more typical Brown Latte lot."
I didn't tell the staffer that I hated both those pieces of Brown Latte, but I expect they could tell.
"Would you like to pick out something else?" they asked.
I told them I guessed I would.
I walked up and down the aisles, down-in-the-mouth, not liking anything I saw,
"No, no," I said, "these can't be Brown Latte! Neither of these look remotely like what I chose last time!"
I went on to describe to the staffer what the stone in my kitchen counters looked like.
"Oh, oh, oh," said the staffer. "Yes, I recall what you're describing." The staffer sighed. "That particular piece of Brown Latte that you got was from a very unique and unusual lot. I doubt we'll get anything like that lot again." They pointed to the two slabs before me. "This is a more typical Brown Latte lot."
I didn't tell the staffer that I hated both those pieces of Brown Latte, but I expect they could tell.
"Would you like to pick out something else?" they asked.
I told them I guessed I would.
I walked up and down the aisles, down-in-the-mouth, not liking anything I saw,
...because, amidst the hundreds of pieces of granite, quartzite, quartz and dolomite, nothing was like what I wanted,
...which was what I already had.
Then suddenly, there amidst the stones, it came to me like a beam of illumination: Maybe the purpose of all of this was to teach me a lesson.
I just can't figure out what it is.
To be continued...
I just can't figure out what it is.
To be continued...
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and the sequel, "Hail Mary" https://www.amzn.com/1684334888
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and the sequel, "Hail Mary" https://www.amzn.com/1684334888
Available on Amazon.
THE AGONY IN THE KITCHEN
...Continued from the previous post:
All right, "agony" is mayhaps a weence hyperbolic. Let's say rather that today I write from a place of superabundant frustration.
For those who might not have been following the soap opera of my kitchen remodel, or who by now might have lost track of the drawn-out narrative thread, here's a recap:
My kitchen has been under construction since September 11. The end date for the remodel was scheduled for October 11. The project flowed along until October 9, when my Brown Latte quartzite countertops were installed looking like this along the edges:
All right, "agony" is mayhaps a weence hyperbolic. Let's say rather that today I write from a place of superabundant frustration.
For those who might not have been following the soap opera of my kitchen remodel, or who by now might have lost track of the drawn-out narrative thread, here's a recap:
My kitchen has been under construction since September 11. The end date for the remodel was scheduled for October 11. The project flowed along until October 9, when my Brown Latte quartzite countertops were installed looking like this along the edges:
...and this along the seam between the two pieces in the sink area.
From October 9 until November 15, technicians from the stone company - whom after a while I came to refer to as the Stone Doctors - made regular house calls in an effort to cure my countertops of whatever mysterious ailment was causing their unsightly condition.
They tried alcohol rubs,
They tried alcohol rubs,
...and heat treatments,
...and special stone-healing poultices,
...and special stone-healing incantations.
During this time the final components of the job - the installation of the backsplash and the adjustment of the electrical outlets - had to be put on hold.*
After three weeks the stains around the edges of the countertops miraculously disappeared. Not so the stains along the seam. Treatments for the stained seam continued for a few more weeks until, on November 15, the Stone Doctors gave up all hope of saving the seamed countertops and informed us that those countertops would be replaced by a new unseamed section of Brown Latte quartzite.
In my previous post I told of how I was given the date of November 24 for the removal of the old countertop and the installation of the new and how, because this was the day before Thanksgiving, my kitchen plumbing, which would have to be disconnected for the countertop installation, would not be reconnected until the following week. I further recounted how, after the plumbing was disconnected I received a call from the stone company that the countertop could not be installed that day after all because it hadn't dried out from its cut, which was done with a water-spraying saw. I barely caught the plumber in time before he left my house and prevailed upon him reconnect the kitchen sink plumbing that he had just disconnected. Thus I just missed having to go through Thanksgiving weekend without a working kitchen sink or dishwasher. When the story left off in my previous post my new countertop was due to arrive yesterday, December 3.
And so yesterday morning the plumber - well, a different plumber from last time - returned to detach my kitchen plumbing in preparation for the installation of my countertop, which was due to happen between noon and 1 pm. The plumber was slated to return to rehook my plumbing on Tuesday, December 7, which would leave me for the weekend and a day without water in the kitchen. Having four other sinks scattered around the house, I figured we'd abide.
Noon came and went, as did 1, 2, 3, and 4 pm. By the time my phone rang at 4:30 I knew who was calling and why.
Yes, it was the stone company.
Them: "We can't install your countertop today."
Me: "Why?"
Them: "Well, um, your countertop got wet again."
Me: "It got wet again? How did it get wet again?"
Them: "Well, um, somebody laid a piece of backsplash against it."
Me:
Now, I don't understand how a backsplash, though in name sounds like a wet, splashy thing, could actually make something wet. I don't even know exactly what the stone company rep meant in this case by the term "backsplash."
The rep did seek to impress upon me that Brown Latte is such a dense, heavy rock that it just really sucks in and holds onto water.
Right, blame the dang rock, I wanted to say. But didn't.
When will I get my countertop? I'll let you know.
When will I have my kitchen plumbing back? I'll keep you posted.
When will I be out of kitchen remodeling hell? Your guess is as good as mine.
After three weeks the stains around the edges of the countertops miraculously disappeared. Not so the stains along the seam. Treatments for the stained seam continued for a few more weeks until, on November 15, the Stone Doctors gave up all hope of saving the seamed countertops and informed us that those countertops would be replaced by a new unseamed section of Brown Latte quartzite.
In my previous post I told of how I was given the date of November 24 for the removal of the old countertop and the installation of the new and how, because this was the day before Thanksgiving, my kitchen plumbing, which would have to be disconnected for the countertop installation, would not be reconnected until the following week. I further recounted how, after the plumbing was disconnected I received a call from the stone company that the countertop could not be installed that day after all because it hadn't dried out from its cut, which was done with a water-spraying saw. I barely caught the plumber in time before he left my house and prevailed upon him reconnect the kitchen sink plumbing that he had just disconnected. Thus I just missed having to go through Thanksgiving weekend without a working kitchen sink or dishwasher. When the story left off in my previous post my new countertop was due to arrive yesterday, December 3.
And so yesterday morning the plumber - well, a different plumber from last time - returned to detach my kitchen plumbing in preparation for the installation of my countertop, which was due to happen between noon and 1 pm. The plumber was slated to return to rehook my plumbing on Tuesday, December 7, which would leave me for the weekend and a day without water in the kitchen. Having four other sinks scattered around the house, I figured we'd abide.
Noon came and went, as did 1, 2, 3, and 4 pm. By the time my phone rang at 4:30 I knew who was calling and why.
Yes, it was the stone company.
Them: "We can't install your countertop today."
Me: "Why?"
Them: "Well, um, your countertop got wet again."
Me: "It got wet again? How did it get wet again?"
Them: "Well, um, somebody laid a piece of backsplash against it."
Me:
Now, I don't understand how a backsplash, though in name sounds like a wet, splashy thing, could actually make something wet. I don't even know exactly what the stone company rep meant in this case by the term "backsplash."
The rep did seek to impress upon me that Brown Latte is such a dense, heavy rock that it just really sucks in and holds onto water.
Right, blame the dang rock, I wanted to say. But didn't.
When will I get my countertop? I'll let you know.
When will I have my kitchen plumbing back? I'll keep you posted.
When will I be out of kitchen remodeling hell? Your guess is as good as mine.
* Where they remain still.
Looking For Holiday Gifts They'll Enjoy?
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and the sequel, "Hail Mary" https://www.amzn.com/1684334888
Available on Amazon.
and the sequel, "Hail Mary" https://www.amzn.com/1684334888
Available on Amazon.
THE NEVER-ENDING STORY
(Sigh). So then, where did I leave off in the on-going saga (Comedy? Tragedy? High Drama? All of the above?) of my kitchen remodel?
I believe it was back on November 15 (https://www.ailantha.com/blog/out-out-dang-spot-or-send-in-the-poultices) that I related that, all the treatments and ministrations by the stone doctors to remedy the ugly seams in my new countertop having come to naught,
I believe it was back on November 15 (https://www.ailantha.com/blog/out-out-dang-spot-or-send-in-the-poultices) that I related that, all the treatments and ministrations by the stone doctors to remedy the ugly seams in my new countertop having come to naught,
...the determination was reached by said stone doctors that my countertop would have to be taken out and would be replaced by a new seamless one. After this new countertop was installed my backsplash could then be installed and the project finished. That was on November 15.
A few days later I received a call from the stone company. They could remove the old new countertop and install the new new countertop on Wednesday, November 24, which was the day before Thanksgiving. They admitted that the only problem for me might be that the kitchen plumbing - sink and dishwasher - would have to be undone for the installation of the countertop and, as this was the day before a long-weekend holiday, there would be no plumber available to reattach the plumbing until the following week. This would mean I'd have no functioning kitchen sink or dishwasher over Thanksgiving, However if I opted not to take this opening for the installation of my countertop the next available opening would be Judgment Day. I thought about it for two seconds then said, "Fine," I knew I couldn't fix a turkey dinner in a kitchen without a sink, but maybe Thanksgiving pizza would be a fresh change.
As it turned out, Tom, Theresa, and I were invited over by Tommy and Emily for a vegetarian Thanksgiving, which was quite delicious.
A few days later I received a call from the stone company. They could remove the old new countertop and install the new new countertop on Wednesday, November 24, which was the day before Thanksgiving. They admitted that the only problem for me might be that the kitchen plumbing - sink and dishwasher - would have to be undone for the installation of the countertop and, as this was the day before a long-weekend holiday, there would be no plumber available to reattach the plumbing until the following week. This would mean I'd have no functioning kitchen sink or dishwasher over Thanksgiving, However if I opted not to take this opening for the installation of my countertop the next available opening would be Judgment Day. I thought about it for two seconds then said, "Fine," I knew I couldn't fix a turkey dinner in a kitchen without a sink, but maybe Thanksgiving pizza would be a fresh change.
As it turned out, Tom, Theresa, and I were invited over by Tommy and Emily for a vegetarian Thanksgiving, which was quite delicious.
I provided the pies, which came out of the oven shockingly ugly,
...but tasted fine all the same, and a fine time was had by all,
....including my grand-pup Ronan,
...for whom I brought a Snif-Snax doggie treat Advent calendar.
But I digress.
As the days went by the stain around the seam began mysteriously swelling, until it looked positively pythonesque.
As the days went by the stain around the seam began mysteriously swelling, until it looked positively pythonesque.
On Wednesday, November 24, a plumber arrived at 8:15 am to detach the pipes then be on his way to his next job. The countertop guys were scheduled to arrive at 9 am.
At 8:45 am my cell phone rang. Oh no, I thought as I recognized the number as that of the stone company.
To my not-surprise, the countertop could not be installed that day. The stone had not yet sufficiently dried out. The stone company rep seemed to wish to bend my ear with apologies but I had no time to oblige him; I had to grab the plumber who had finished taking apart my kitchen sink and was packed up and on his way out the door.
"Can you, uh, put my sink back together?" I sheepishly asked the plumber.
Fortunately the over-booked but kindly plumber agreed to put back together what he had just spent half an hour taking apart.
And so my replacement countertop that was supposed to arrive November 24 is now due to arrive on the afternoon of Friday, December 3. I expect the beleaguered plumber will return on Friday morning to take apart my sink again and probably return sometime next week to put it back together. And then sometime after that the backsplash will be installed and I'll have a whole kitchen. Maybe. In the meantime the stain around the seam continues to grow. Now it looks more like a blob.
At 8:45 am my cell phone rang. Oh no, I thought as I recognized the number as that of the stone company.
To my not-surprise, the countertop could not be installed that day. The stone had not yet sufficiently dried out. The stone company rep seemed to wish to bend my ear with apologies but I had no time to oblige him; I had to grab the plumber who had finished taking apart my kitchen sink and was packed up and on his way out the door.
"Can you, uh, put my sink back together?" I sheepishly asked the plumber.
Fortunately the over-booked but kindly plumber agreed to put back together what he had just spent half an hour taking apart.
And so my replacement countertop that was supposed to arrive November 24 is now due to arrive on the afternoon of Friday, December 3. I expect the beleaguered plumber will return on Friday morning to take apart my sink again and probably return sometime next week to put it back together. And then sometime after that the backsplash will be installed and I'll have a whole kitchen. Maybe. In the meantime the stain around the seam continues to grow. Now it looks more like a blob.
Or maybe a really fat python.
"Tropical Depression"
by Patti Liszkay
Buy it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BTPN7NYY
by Patti Liszkay
Buy it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BTPN7NYY
"Equal And Opposite Reactions"
by Patti Liszkay
Buy it on Amazon:
http://amzn.to/2xvcgRa
or from
The Book Loft
of German Village,
Columbus, Ohio
by Patti Liszkay
Buy it on Amazon:
http://amzn.to/2xvcgRa
or from
The Book Loft
of German Village,
Columbus, Ohio
Or check it out at the Columbus Metropolitan Library
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I am a traveler just visiting this planet and reporting various and sundry observations,
hopefully of interest to my fellow travelers.
hopefully of interest to my fellow travelers.
