All I Want For Christmas Is A Toto Washlet

    I normally don't consider myself an overly materialistic person.    
    I have a house full of second-hand furniture (see posts from 8/20/14 and 8/21/14) and as far as everything else goes, if  they don't have it Kroger's, Walmart, or the Goodwill store I probably don't need it.
    Or at least all that was true until yesterday at around 10:45 am, when I was sitting with the Posse in Coffee Time and I saw a thing that rocked my world.  Or that would rock my world if only I could possess it for my own.
    But let me back up and lucubrate a bit.
   As I was saying,  I was with the Panera Posse at Coffee Time.  Though we usually meet at our designated time at our designated corner table at our designated Panera, yesterday we decided to meet up instead at Coffee Time,

...a cozy locally-owned cafe recently opened in Gahanna that serves a variety of coffees, teas, sandwiches and fresh-baked goodies made right on the premises.  (See blog post from 10/28/14). If you haven't yet checked this place out, Gahanna folks, be sure to.
           We'd decided to meet at Coffee Time in honor of it being a special occasion, the return of one of our Posse members from a 2 1/2 week educational tour of China.   
    Our friend loved China, the sights, the cities, the people, the food, and she had taken hundreds of wonderful photos of all the places she and her husband visited and the things they saw.
    But of all the photos she shared, there was one that captured my imagination on a completely different level than all the others.
    The photo was taken in their hotel room in Shanghai.  It was a picture of a toilet.  But not just any toilet.
    This particular toilet, my friend explained, had a sensored lid that lit up and opened on its own when one approached it.  It had a heated seat, and  the press of a remote control button sent cleansing jet sprays of water upward.  The press of another button controlled an upward-blowing air dryer. There was no need for toilet paper. 
    My friend said it was called a Toto.  It sounded amazing. 
    So amazing that for the whole rest of the day I couldn't get the image of this Chinese dream toilet out of my mind.  I thought and thought about this water-spraying, warm air-blowng Toto until it hit me: that  weird, wonderful, giddy sensation, a burst of fireworks in the heart:  I'd fallen suddenly, helplessly, and hopelessly in love with the Toto.  And I was yearning for one of my own.
    I looked up the Toto on the internet and learned that full proper name of my new love interest is the Toto Washlet Performance Toilet.  According to Wikipedia the Toto Washlet is a jet-spray toilet invented in Japan and commonly found throughout  that country, though not all Toto Washlets are of the same deluxe model as the one in my friend's hotel room in Shanghai.
    I went to the Toto website and gazed at the objects of my desire, which counted among their charms:
Sensor auto-flush
Touch button flush
Automatic open/close sensor lid
Remote control open/close lid
Hands-free, SoftClose lid
Aerated warm water delivery
Front and rear cleansing options
Built-in massage feature
Warm-air drying
Three-temperature settings
Automatic air purifier
Heated seat
Wireless remote control
Large LCD panel
Easy-to-remove docking station
Reinforced base plate
    But alas, the most basic model, the E300,  had a price tag up over $1,000.
    My heart sunk.  I knew I'd never in my lifetime know the sweetness of possessing a Toto  Washlet Performance Toilet.
    But then a wonderful thing happened.  I revisited my computer screen and scrolled down until I came to the heading:  "Toilets and Washlets - Costco".
    My heart now once more daring to palpitate ever so slightly, I opened the site and learned that Costo - dear, dependable Costo! - carries a high-tech customized toilet seat, the USPA 6800 Bidet Toilet Seat, that attaches onto a regular toilet, and with a price tag of $429.99, shipping and handling included, can do the best of what  the Toto Performance Washlet does and features:

     Dual Nozzle  system with separate nozzles for feminine and posterior wash
    Refreshing rear wash with satisfying water stream for the ultimate cleaning
     Aerated Bubble Infusion, a bubble infused water stream for a more invigorating wash experience
     Intensive Impulse Pulsation which combines a warm water stream with a pulsating massage
     Wide Cleaning Oscillation mode that moves the nozzle back and forth for a wider area of cleaning
     Auto Wash  that will wash and dry the user with the touch of a single button   
     Wireless Remote Convenient Wireless Remote Control with LCD screen and soft buttons
     Heated Seat Warm and comforting toilet seat for those chilly mornings
     Warm Air Dry to pamper yourself even further with the built-in air dryer
     Slow Closing Seat and lid that will quietly close- no more slamming toilet seats!
     Smart Sensor  that assures that the USPA will only operate when the seat is occupied to avoid accidental use
     Silent Mode Added option to easily turn the selection chimes on or off 

    (Sigh) I can hear the chimes already.