"Equal and Opposite Reactions"
By Patti Liszkay
NOW ONLY $3.99 ON AMAZON KINDLE
- R. Bruce Logan, "The Narrative Arc"
Brussels Sprouts All The Way Down
If, however, you have had the misfortune of buying the product, opening the bag, removing the contents, which look like this,
Or rather your stomach.
I was intrigued by the bag of Popcorners Flourish Harvest Kale Veggie Crisps, with chickpeas, rice & brussels sprouts.
30 crisps had only 100 calories,
... with the benefit of protein, dietary fiber and trace bits of vegetables.
I’ll steam a bag of Kroger's frozen brussels sprouts in the microwave ‘til they’re just al dente then season them with salt,
...and eat them dipped in Hellman’s Dijonnaise mustard.
Actually there’s about a minute before the sprouts pass from one state to the next.
This being the reality of brussels sprouts, I should have been suspicious of any process by which they are baked into a chip. But I wasn’t. I wanted too much to believe that there could be a healthful and delicious chip that incorporated the essence of brussels sprout at its best.
And so I bought the bag of veggie crisps and went on my way, blissfully unaware of what lay in store when I arrived home, tore open the bag and, like Eve proffering Adam the evil apple, invited Tom to join me in a Harvest Kale veggie crisp with chick peas, rice, & brussels sprouts.
We each popped a crisp, and before I had the chance to squeal "Ewwwww!" Tom was bent over the kitchen trash can spitting out his crisp. Unfortunately for me, I swallowed mine.
It tasted so bad. The offending taste was overwhelmingly that of brussels sprout. Very bad brussels sprout. I've since tried eating a variety of foods from sweet to salty to kill the lingering brussels sprout taste and yet the taste lingers still. But only when I think about it.
I don't believe I'll ever be able to eat another brussels sprout with Dijonnaise.
Later that day Tom returned the reminder of those vile crisps back to Kroger's for a refund. He impressed upon the customer service lady how terrible the crisps tasted. He stressed to her that when the remaining bags of crisps were removed from the shelf - which they doubtless will be soon, very soon - these items should NOT be donated to the local food pantry, but burned.
The customer service lady laughed.