Fifty Shades Of Grey Hair, The Play

                                             Anastasia and Christian Fifty Years Later, Or
                                                      Fifty Shades Of Grey Hair                                                       
                                                      A Dramatic Conception
                                                                           By
                                                                    Patti Liszkay

   Cast of Characters:  Christian, Anastasia, Payne, TV Announcer
    Setting: A living room
    ANASTASIA, dressed in a house coat, hair-net and slippers, sits in front of a TV set.  
    CHRISTIAN, dressed in a flannel shirt, high-waisted pants and white tennis shoes, wanders around the room carrying a stick with a long crepe-paper streamer tied to it.
                                                
CHRISTIAN:  Anastasia!  Where’s my bifocals?  And where’s my whip?

ANASTASIA:  Oh, go whip yourself, Christian!   I’m watching ‘The Price Is Right!’

(Christian mumbles irritably, looking around the room)

(Enter PAYNE, stage left)) 

PAYNE:  What are you two bickering about  now?

ANASTASIA:   Payne, go help your father find his bifocals and his whip.

PAYNE:  (Sighs)  Dad, you’re wearing your glasses, and…Aw, what’s this?  (Takes the  crepe-paper stick whip from Christian, holds it up).  “Really, Dad?” 

CHRISTIAN:  I exercise control in all things. 

ANASTASIA:  Not anymore, Mister!  Payne, run out to the store, we’re all out of Depends!

(Christian starts taking off his shirt)

PAYNE:  (Sighs) Fine!  Dad, would you please not take off your shirt right now?

CHRISTIAN:  But I want to play the piano!

ANASTASIA:  Oh, put on your shirt, you're not playing that piano right now!  It's almost time for the Showcase Showdown!
 
(Christian stands in front of the TV, blocking Anastasia's view)

CHRISTIAN:  I said  I exercise control in all things!

ANASTASIA (Stands up):  If you don't move your butt from in front of that TV I'll smack you one!

CHRISTIAN (Moves up close to her):  Maybe I'd like you to smack me one, Mother!

ANASTASIA (Moves closer to him):  Maybe I'd like you to smack me one, Dad!

(The two of them  reach around each other, trying to smack each others' butts)

ANASTASIA & CHRISTIAN:  Oh, yes, oh yes, oh yes!

(Payne gets between them, moves them apart)

PAYNE:  WOULD YOU TWO PLEASE STOP IT!!!? Geeze, you're crazy! Both of you!

ANASTASIA:  We most certainly are not, young man!  We're perfectly normal, aren't we, Daddy?

CHRISTIAN:  We certainly are.  We're perfectly normal.  Always have been.

PAYNE:  No, you've always been a couple of nut cases, the both of you!

ANASTASIA:  That is no way to talk to your parents!  Go to your room right now, young man!

CHRISTIAN:  Do as your mother says!

PAYNE:  What?  I'm fifty-two years old!  This is my house!  You can't send me to my room!

ANASTASIA (Sweetly):  Oh, now, Payney, we just want you to go to your room because we have a surprise for you.

PAYNE:  What?

CHRISTIAN:  That's right, Son.  While you were out we had your room painted.  Go look at it.

PAYNE:  What?  Oh, no, not again!  (Payne hurries away, exits  stage right, immediately returns)  Holy Crow, how many times do I have to tell you, quit painting my room red!  Oh, I give up! 

ANASTASIA:  Payney, dear, why don't you run off to the store now?

PAYNE:  I'm leaving, I'm leaving!  Here! (Hands Christian back his whip and heads towards the stage left exit).

ANASTASIA (calling to Payne):  Where are you going, Krogers?

PAYNE (Stops, turns back):  No, the  A&P. 

CHRISTIAN (Chuckling proudly):  That's my boy!  Laters, Son!

(Payne exits stage left)

(Christian snuggles his nose against Anastasia's cheek as he strokes his whip.

CHRISTIAN:  How about a little A&P right now, Mother?

ANASTASIA (Giggling):  Well, as long as I can watch the Showcase Showdown.

CHRISTIAN:  However you want it.

(Anastasia sits back down in her chair and watches the TV.  Christian begins swinging the crepe-paper streamer against the back of the chair, continues swinging at the chair and grunting until the end of the scene)

TV ANNOUNCER:  Let's pull back the curtain and see what's in store for our lucky winner!

ANASTASIA: Yes!

TV ANNOUNCER:  This Swish 'n Swirl front, back, and side-loading microwave washing machine!

ANASTASIA:  Oh, yes!

TV ANNOUNCER:  And this 250-Inch glow-in-the dark Hamflung flat-screen TV and toaster oven!

ANASTASIA:  Oh, oh, more!

TV ANNOUNCER:  And this Muscle-Boy super-sonic lawn mower with  window-washing and gutter-cleaning attachment!

ANASTASIA:  Don't stop! Don't stop!

TV ANNOUNCER:  And these beautiful his 'n hers Toto jet-spray ultra-soft-seat custom toilets!

ANASTASIA:  Oh, oh, oh....
                                         (Lights out to the sound of game-show music)                                                             
                                                                 Curtain