Ailantha
  • Blog
  • About
  • Contact

Good-Bye, Mom

11/25/2020

5 Comments

 
Picture
   Late the night before last - November 23 -  I received the call from the Sunrise senior care facility that my mother had died. 
      It was a strange moment. As soon as the phone rang, before even checking my phone, I knew who was calling at this hour and why and yet it didn't seem possible that what I'd known all along was going to happen - and dreaded all along - could really, truly, finally have happened.  
​      For just the snap of a fleeting moment this felt like the recurring dreams from my childhood, 
Picture
...in which something I was frightened of in real life - invading Russian soldiers, the Devil, robots from outer space, the neighborhood bully - had finally trapped me, this time for real, this time not a dream...except that it always was a dream. But this time it wasn't a dream. This time it was real. My mother had really died.
​       Of course she'd been dying for the past ten days. The Sunrise staff and the hospice nurses told me as much, though it wasn't necessary, I could see it for myself. I sat with my mom for hours every day as she drifted uneasily in and out of some vague consciousness. I talked to her, held her hand, pulled up her favorite music on my phone and held it close to her ear. I held my phone in front of her face and Facetimed her with relatives, 
though she appeared unaware of any of their screen presences, or mine very much, for that matter. But then I guess it hasn't been determined of what and to what degree a person might be aware when their mind has moved on but their heart is still beating.
         Sometimes my mom lay calm and still, but more often than not she moved her arms or legs as if in a restless half-sleep, or as if she were trying to get up out of the bed. Often her eyes were open or half-open. I wondered where my mom was. Sometimes I asked her. Was she suffering? Was she in distress? I couldn't stand to see her in this state. And yet I didn't want her to die. I didn't know what I wanted. 
         But, of course, I did know what I wanted. I wanted my mom to return, to open her eyes, to sit up, to smile and get out of bed. I wanted her to be herself again, the self she'd always been, the self she was just last year.
Picture
         It's true that my mom was one hundred-and-a-half years old, which was, I suppose, more than long enough to expect one's mother to live. But then the longer she lived, the longer she was a presence in my life, and the harder it was to imagine that she ever wouldn't be.
        The day before my mother died one of the Sunrise nurses stood by her bed and said, "Your mom moves so much because she never liked to sit still. She was always up talking to people and trying to help people. She would help feed people. If she saw one of the residents crying she would go to them and try to get them to stop. She was always trying to help the care managers with their work. Now she doesn't want to lie still."
​           Yes, that sounded like my mom.  
Picture
Picture
Picture
     "It didn't seem like Grammy would just die," said my daughter. "It seemed like there should have been fireworks or shooting stars, or something."
        Yes, it seemed like there should have been.       
Picture
5 Comments
Birdie
11/26/2020 04:20:16 am

So sorry to hear the loss of a remarkable, faith devoted, and giving woman. My thoughts and prayers for you, your siblings, and family.

Reply
Patti
11/26/2020 08:48:30 am

Thank you so much, Birdie. <3

Reply
Bruce Logan
11/26/2020 09:37:14 am

Heartfelt condolences, Patti.

Reply
Patti
11/26/2020 09:51:55 am

Thank you so much, Bruce.

Reply
g.l. travis
12/16/2020 04:36:30 am

i just happened to run across this, such a beautiful, heartfelt, & real posting you've shared about your wonderful, amazing mother (and family). i couldn't stop reading. thank you for expressing these things.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    "Tropical Depression" 
    by Patti Liszkay
    ​Buy it on Amazon:

    https://www.amzn.com/1685131832

    Picture
    "Hail Mary"
    by Patti Liszkay
    Buy it on Amazon:

    https://www.amzn.com/1684334888

    Picture
    "Equal And Opposite Reactions"
     by Patti Liszkay
    Buy it on Amazon:

    http://amzn.to/2xvcgRa
    or from
    The Book Loft
    of German Village,
    Columbus, Ohio
    Picture
    Or check it out at the Columbus Metropolitan Library
    Picture

    Archives

    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013

    RSS Feed

    I am a traveler just visiting this planet and reporting various and sundry observations,
    hopefully of interest to my fellow travelers.

    Categories

    All


























































































Proudly powered by Weebly