My 2018 Commencement Speech

     It's early June and though most of the commencement ceremonies are now over,

...this year's graduates continue to be celebrated with banners,

...parties,

...memories,

...many good wishes for bright and happy futures,

...and my 2018 commencement speech.
   (For anyone who might be interested, here are the links to my  commencement speeches from 2015 and 2016. I believe in June of 2017 I, along with much of the country, was still at a loss for words):
  https://www.ailantha.com/blog/my-second-commencement-speech

   http://www.ailantha.com/blog/my-commencement-speech

     I post my yearly commencement speech around this time of year as a benefaction to young graduates,  a few words of advice that might not have been covered by the keynote speakers at their commencement ceremonies.
      So,  2018 graduates, here is my commencement speech to you:

    1. When you hand a person working behind a cash register several dollar bills be sure to first flatten out the bills and proffer them with all the bills facing the same side up and the same direction. It's polite and considerate and easier for the cashier to place into the drawer.

      2. You can't tell if a pineapple is ripe by its feel or color;  the only way to tell if a pineapple is ripe is by sniffing the end opposite the stem end.  If this end smells like pineapple then the pineapple is ripe. 

     This same principle holds true for determining whether a cantaloupe is ripe.

    3. When you are a dinner guest always wait for your host to begin eating before you dig in. If you are the host, start eating as soon as the food is served (after you've said grace, of course) so your guests know to start eating. If you are still busy serving or must leave the table, verbally invite your guests to start eating.

  4. If you are serving a buffet, always be sure to invite yours guests to start eating. Never assume that they will just dig in.

If you are a guest, wait for your host to invite you to dig in.

     5. If you are talking to someone and another person comes along who you know but the person you're talking to doesn't know, don't just turn from the person you were talking to and begin talking to the new person; first introduce the two people and make sure both are included in the conversation. If you are in a group introduce the person to everyone in the group even if you only intend to talk to the new person for a minute or two. Being able to pull off this maneuver smoothly and naturally is a social skill worth cultivating.

    6. Remember that the kindest words in the English language are "Me too." 

...(I'm not talking about #MeToo here,

...I'm talking about empathy).

     7.  Remember that people are attracted to people who are comfortable in their own skins.

  8.  Remember that the candy bar is important, not the wrapper. I'm talking about people, actually. And candy bars, too.

   9. Consider the famous quote by some unknown sage: "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."  You shouldn't necessarily live by those words. Just keep them in mind. And be careful what you do say. Don't say everything you're thinking. Unless it's something kind.

   10.  And be extra careful what you email, post or text. Never email, post or text anything that would be disastrous if it went viral. (I know you already know this, just a friendly reminder).

 11. Don't hook up and don't be a friend with benefits. 
      Though prevalent, widespread and, I guess,  socially acceptable, hooking up and FWBing  are bad ideas. You can't sleep you way to love or friendship.

   12.  What people refer to as common sense often turns out to be nonsense.  Don’t latch onto easy-sounding  truths because easy truths often aren’t true.  The world is seldom black or white,

...or always pink or blue.

  13.  No matter how much you like or dislike somebody, nobody’s all good or all bad.  (Or almost nobody).

      14. If you're ever feeling terribly down or depressed, try to look past the moment you're in; it's hard to do, but try. And turn to someone, get help, and remember that depression is a disease that can be treated with medication and therapy and the pain you feel is a symptom that's crying out for treatment. And remember that your life doesn't belong to you alone; it belongs to your friends, your family, your co-workers, everyone who loves and cherishes and depends upon you; your life belongs to your community and your country and this world that you were created for and placed in for the purpose of doing some good. Remember all that, no matter how badly you may be feeling at some moment in time.
       15.  Read a local newspaper - online is fine - and a national news source. Keep up with  and care about what's going on in our  nation and the world even if world events don't yet affect you. Because they will eventually.

16. Live by the wisdom of the modern-day musical philosopher Randy Rainbow: "Bigotry is never the way. Practicing hatred and discrimination in the name of whatever God you believe in doesn't make you a hero."

     It just makes you these guys.

  17.  Reject the above guys and rather live by The Golden Rule, also known as The Law of Reciprocity, (which was, BTW, coined by Jesus in Matthew Chapter 7, Verse 12), which is the principle of treating others as you want to be treated.

   18.   Look up Randy Rainbow's videos on Youtube.

 19. Think of yourself as a citizen not just of your own country but of the world.

      Thinking globally will actually make you a better American.

    20.  And finally, remember the quote of the philosopher Seneca: "There is no easy way from the earth to the stars."

Then go aim for the stars anyway.

References:
 Rainbow, Randy, "The Kim Davis Cell Block Tango," https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14C3TZg6NQM