My 2019 Commencement Speech

     It’s that time of year again, when commencement speakers, persons of great accomplishment and/or celebrity, may impart words of wisdom and  encouragement to young graduates, and maybe even pay off their college loans for them.

     Alas, I have not the means to pay off anyone’s college loans – though I wish I did, and that I could pay off everybody’s  - and in my life I’ve accrued  neither fortune nor fame, but, as I do every year, I’ll offer this year’s graduates a few words of advice - some previously dispensed, some new -  gleaned from my many years kicking around this planet that, hopefully, may be of some worth to someone, some time, somewhere along the road.
      So Here it is, my 2019 commencement speech:

    1. Graduates, remember that any accomplishment that comes easily and without considerable  effort or work is probably not worth much. Or, as master martial artist Bruce Lee once put it:  “I fear not the man who has practiced 10, 000 kicks once, but the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times”.

​2. And remember the quote used by motivational speakers everywhere, including my yoga teacher: "The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit."

​      3. When you are  in social situations be sure to steer the conversation towards others: ask them about themselves before you jump in and start talking about yourself.  And whatever you do, don't be a conversation hog who talks and talks and talks, making it impossible for anyone else to get a  word in edgewise and boring them to death.

​      4. Don't talk about something you're going to do with a friend or friends in the presence of another friend or friends who isn't/aren't invited. Don't even do this when you're adults. Adults don't like being left out any more than kids do.

     5. Don't hook up and don't be a friend with benefits. 
Though prevalent, widespread and, I guess,  socially acceptable, hooking up and FWBing  are bad ideas. You can't sleep you way to love or friendship.

​     6. Don't sleep with anyone if accidentally getting pregnant by that person (or getting them pregnant) would wreak havoc on your life or the life of the person you're considering sleeping with. And remember, no matter what precautions you take, babies have a habit of doing whatever it takes to be born.

      7.  If you can't afford at least a 20% tip, don't eat in a restaurant.

     8.  If you stay in a hotel, every morning leave a $5, $10, or $20 tip (however much you can afford)  on the bed for the housekeepers.

     9.  When you exit the airport shuttle bus hand a tip of a few dollars to the driver.
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  10. If your restaurant order is wrong or bad, it's all right to ask the server to take it back or fix what's wrong, so long as you're super-polite to the server about it.

      11.  Try giving up Christmas gift exchanging. It'll change your life.

​      12. If you're invited to a potluck at someone's house leave what you brought with your host when you leave.

      13. If you're hosting a pot luck and there are sufficient yummy left-overs it's gracious to invite your guests to take home a plate of food and/or dessert.

       14. Though they say whole wheat bread is healthier for you, white bread makes better French toast and grilled cheese sandwiches.

       15.  And speaking of grilled cheese, Here's a recipe that was popular back when I lived  in a college dorm room for making a grilled cheese sandwich with an iron:
     Heat your iron to medium heat. Make sure the steam is turned off and there's no water in the iron.  Butter the bread slices. Place a couple of slices of cheese between the bread. Wrap the sandwich in aluminum foil. Place the foil-wrapped sandwich on your ironing board. Press the iron onto the sandwich, flip after a few minutes, then press the iron onto the other side. (Be careful not to burn your sandwich. You can unwrap and check the bread from time to time until you have the hang of the process). Unwrap the foil and if the bread is golden brown and the cheese is melted, your grilled cheese  is ready.

     16. If you're already full, eating something you don't really want because you don't want to waste it is wasting it just the same as if you threw it away. Except that if you throw it away you won't pack on the extra calories.

     17. If you're ever feeling terribly down or depressed, try to look past the moment you're in; it's hard to do, but try. And turn to someone, get help, and remember that depression is a disease that can be treated with medication and therapy and the pain you feel is a symptom that's crying out for treatment. And remember that your life doesn't belong to you alone; it belongs to your friends, your family, your co-workers, everyone who loves and cherishes and depends upon you; your life belongs to your community and your country and this world that you were created for and placed in for the purpose of doing some good. Remember all that, no matter how badly you may be feeling at some moment in time.

      18.  If you have no idea what you want to do with your life or what career path you want to take, just pick something to do or something to pursue. It's better to be doing something productive than nothing.

      19.  Pick something to do with your life even if it's not your dream, and even if you don't yet know what your dream is. Often by choosing one path that path leads to another that eventually takes us to who or what we want to be in life.

     20.  Do something wonderful. People may imitate it (Albert Schweitzer).