My 2021 Commencement Speech

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The class of 2021 will be the second graduating class of the COVID-19 pandemic. And though this has doubtless been a weird year of continuing changes and challenges, with some students making it back to the classroom and some completing their learning long-distance, the valiant class of 2021 has reached the finish line.
As I do every year at this time when yet another graduating class ends one chapter of life to begin the next, I will now endeavor to offer the 2021 graduates a few words of worldly wisdom and advice to help them along their way on subjects that might not be covered by the keynote speakers at their socially-distanced commencement ceremonies.
And so here it is, my 2021 Commencement Speech:

1. When shopping in the supermarket, never park your cart in the middle of the aisle while you step over to search the shelves,

...but rather park your cart close to one side of the aisle so the other shoppers can easily pass.

2. When you go shopping or to the movies or to the gym or anywhere where you park in a parking lot, park as far as possible from the building. The extra walking will do you good.

3. To make perfect tater tots:
Preheat the oven to 450 degrees. Cover a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and spray with olive oil.

Spread the frozen tater tots - any brand will do - on the sprayed foil-covered pan and spray the tots with olive oil and season with salt.

Place the tots in the pre-heated oven and bake for 18 minutes. (If your oven is cool, maybe for 20 minutes). Turn the oven to broil and place the tots on the the broiler rack. Broil for 1 minute.

Check after 1 minute, and if the tots aren't a perfect golden brown, put them back under the broiler for another 15 seconds then check again. Keep checking every 15 seconds until the tots look like this:

Then you'll have a perfect tot with an audible crunch.

4. Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow out.

5. It's not how you start, it's how you finish.

6. Make lists. Lists make life so much easier to navigate.

7. Before using a public bathroom always check first to make sure there is paper in the stall,

...and before you soap up your hands check first to make sure the faucet works.

8. Buy a subscription to an actual newspaper, either in print or online.

9. Remember that there are all kinds of people living in countries other than ours. Remember that we are not the only people in the world and ours is not the only country or culture on the planet.

10. Consider this quote:

11. And though life is moving back to normal compared to where we were last year, don't forget that we are still in the grip of the COVID pandemic. People are still getting sick. People are still dying. So live safely and do whatever needs to be done to promote public health in the community where you live.

12. And most important, we'll break free from the coronavirus only when we're all vaccinated. It is in the unvaccinated population that the coronavirus can proliferate and mutate into more contagious, potentially worse, potentially vaccine - resistant strains. So, GET YOUR COVID VACCINE SHOT! Do it for yourself, your family, and your community.

13. And finally: Remember, no matter how great, brilliant, and powerful we human beings may be, we do not rule the world. The microbes rule the world and they always will.

But if we all get our COVID vaccine this will be one battle in which the humans prevail.
Congratulations, class of 2021. May life treat you kindly from now on. And may next year bring you a healthy world.