Temporary Optimist

    A couple of days ago I talked about a movie I once saw called "Happy-Go-Lucky" about a woman who was, well, happy-go-lucky.  I didn't like the movie the first time I saw it. I Kept waiting for something to happen, for some plot to start thickening, some dilemma to start brewing,  but it was just scenes of a chirpy, chatty, jokey young woman going about her fairly mundane life: teaching her kindergarten class, going out drinking with her friends, taking driving lessons with a weird, angry driving instructor, coping with her problems.       
   But as I mentioned earlier,  though upon first viewing the film seemed  plotless and pointless,  I kept thinking about the character's capacity for happiness until I decided to try for myself adopting an exclusively  optimistic outlook on life.  Looking on the bright side  all the time.  Always accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative. 
    Not that I wasn't already fairly adept at putting on a happy face as needed - as most of us are - we all need to from time to time, right? 
    But I really honed my skill at forcing a cheerful disposition back about 20 years ago when I used to work as a substitute music teacher at my children's elementary school.  
    I hated music subbing.  I hated getting that phone call at 6 am then having to jump out of bed and rush around, roam through the sweats and jeans in my closet searching for something teacher-acceptable to wear, put on hose and real shoes, fix my hair, hustle the kids together and out the door earlier than usual.
    But mostly I hated having to be teacher for a day.  Of course I knew how to teach  piano students one on one, but I didn't have a teaching degree and though I like children individually  I truly hadn't the foggiest idea what to do with a class room full of them. 
    So why did I sub for years if I hated it so much? 
    It wasn't for the money. The truth is, I kept subbing because they kept asking me to and I would have felt guilty not helping out my children's school.
     It might not even have been so bad if the music teachers ever left lessons plans that I could make any sense out of.  But they almost never did.  (One time a teacher called me the night before to sub for her and told me she was teaching a unit on Gregorian Chant and that all the materials were on her desk.  When I arrived in her classroom the next day there was a three-inch text book on Gregorian Chant sitting on her desk.  That was all.  That was a fun day. Not!).
    So anyway, I'd always be standing at the front of the music class room at 7:45 AM waiting with a heart full of anxious dread for the first group of children to arrive.
     However.. I got into the habit of beginning  every class by pulling up the biggest honking smile I could fit across my face and telling the students how glad I was to be there, how good it was to see them again, how happy I was when I got the phone call this morning that I'd be subbing, how excited I was to have a reason to get dressed up, how much I enjoyed teaching them. 
    Though the students didn't realize it, my  welcome speech to them was my pep-talk to myself, and saying it helped me believe it a little, or at least act as if I believed it.  Anyway, my little faux-happy speech always  made me feel better. And friendlier. And I think it made the kids feel well-disposed towards me.   Which made for a better day for us all.
    But those substitute teaching days of long ago were just occasional 6-hour forays into intentional happiness.
    It wasn't until I saw "Happy-Go-Lucky" that I decided to make the effort to be a full-time happy person. 
   I don't remember how long I kept up the effort - it was back in 2008, so it's been a while - but as I recall, thinking more optimistically  did help me feel more optimistic about life in general.  at least for a while.
    But then again, making myself be happy all the time took effort and concentration and eventually I slacked off.  Actually I think I was only able to keep it up solid for a couple of days.  I think I just have a hard time focusing on anything for extended periods.
    But now I'm thinking maybe I should have tried a little harder for a little longer because I just read this comment of Romaine's on Wednesday's post:
    "From my classes I've read about how neurons re-wire through repetition - and that "fake it till you make it" can actually help your neurons re-wire to the point where you don't have to fake it any more."
    Which backs up  something our pastor Kai Nilsen once said during a sermon:  "You become what you habitually do."
    I definitely have to back and watch that movie again.