"The Christmas Letter", A Play

Tom:  So, what should I write in our Christmas letter this year?
Patti  (Shrugging):  I dunno.
Tom:  Really, what should I write?  I don't want to write the wrong thing and get people upset.
Patti:   Don't worry about it, just go ahead and write what you want, the Christmas letter is really your thing, after all.  But then let me see it when you've finished and then send a copy to each of the kids so they can check to make sure it's okay with them.
Tom:  I've been burned before over things I wrote in the Christmas letter.
Patti:  No, really, just go ahead and write whatever you want.  The kids and I will X-out the parts we don't like.
Tom:  So, what should I not write about?
Patti:  Ummm, I don't know.  Just go ahead and write it and we'll let you know what's wrong with it afterwards. 
Tom:  What should I write about?  What's going on with us that our friends and family would be interested in? 
Patti:  Not a whole lot, I guess.  Besides our friends and family already know what's going on with us. 
Tom:  I mean our Christmas card friends and family.  You know, the ones who are too far away to be all up in our business.  Like our old college friends.  And our neighbors who moved away.  And then we've got, what, twenty-five nieces and nephews? 
Patti:  Yeah, and the old friends, neighbors, nieces and nephews are  all up in our business anyway and we're all up in theirs because of Facebook.
Tom:  So what should I write about?
Patti:  Oh, I know, you could write about us going to Spain this year.
Tom:  Yeah, and Hawaii!  And Los Angeles and Chicago, and the East Coast!
Patti:  No, no, no, we can't write about all that traveling.  It sounds too braggy.
Tom:  But it's what we did that was interesting.
Patti:  Yeah, but it sounds just too braggy.
Tom:  But didn't you blog on Facebook about all our trips? Wasn't that too braggy, too?
Patti:  No.  What I mean is, it's too braggy to talk about all the trips together in one letter.  On Facebook my braggy stuff is  spaced apart and so mixed in with everybody else's braggy stuff that it doesn't sound braggy, see?
Tom:  Uh, not really.
Patti:  Look, everything on Facebook is braggy, so nothing is, get it?
Tom (shrugging):  Uh, I guess...
Patti:  I know, we could write about the political scene.  None of our friends are Trump fans, are they?
Tom:  I don't know!  But anyway, we can't talk about politics in a Christmas letter!
Patti:  Well, it's about the only interesting thing we're into on a daily basis.  Hmmm.  Why don't we talk about the movies we've seen this year?
Tom:  Eh, that seems to be kind of scraping the bottom of the barrel.  Hey, did we buy anything new this year that we could talk about?
Patti (looking around the room):  Nah.  (Picking up their Christmas photo) Maybe we should skip the letter and just send our Christmas photo that we had taken while we were hiking through Spain.  I mean, look at all this photo tells people about us:   That we're still together, that we took a backpacking  trip together, that we're still in good enough shape to be hiking, that you grew a beard, that I....Oh, geez, I look awful in this photo, we can't send this!
Tom:  What's wrong with the photo?  You look good.
Patti:  I look old!
Tom:  Um, I hate to break it to you, but...
Patti: Sigh.  Yeah.  I should've worn some make-up for that photo.
Tom: Make-up?!  We were hiking through the Pyrenees!  We were carrying our stuff on our backs and sleeping on mattresses in dorms!  We were sweaty and dirty and dog-tired! And besides, you haven't worn make-up in what, forty years?
Patti:  Sigh.  But forty years I ago looked better.
Tom:  Forty years ago everybody looked better!  But that doesn't stop people from sending out Christmas pictures!
Patti:  Let's skip the Christmas picture from now on.  Or, I know, let's send one of us from ten or twenty years ago!
Tom:  Sigh.  So, what should I write in our Christmas letter this year?.