This past Saturday night I saw "Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri."
As I was leaving the theater it occurred to me that what this movie really needed was a drinking game to go with it.
| So here it is, the "Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri" Drinking Game: |
- Every time a character assaults another character and suffers no legal consequences, take a drink.
- Every time a character damages or destroys another character's property and suffers no legal consequences, take a drink.
- Every time a character damages or destroys another character's property and suffers no legal consequences, take a drink.
- If the police either know for sure or have a pretty good idea who committed an assault and/or act of destruction and make no arrest, take two drinks.
- If the police witness an assault and/or act of destruction and make no arrest, take three drinks.
- If the police witness an assault and/or act of destruction and make no arrest, take three drinks.
- If there are witnesses to an assault or act of destruction and nobody calls 911 (probably because the police never arrest anybody, anyway), take a drink.
- If it's a horrendous assault and/or act of destruction and everybody, including the police, knows who did it but nobody gets arrested, chug the rest of the cup you're working on.
- If it's a horrendous assault and/or act of destruction and everybody, including the police, knows who did it but nobody gets arrested, chug the rest of the cup you're working on.
| - Every time a white character mouths off to a white police officer in a way that would get a person shot in real life if they were black, take a drink. |
- Every time a person says or does something that nobody would say or do in real life, take a drink.
- If an assault victim appears not to particularly mind that they've been assaulted or hold any hard feelings against their assailant, take two drinks.
- If an assault victim appears not to particularly mind that they've been assaulted or hold any hard feelings against their assailant, take two drinks.
| - Every time fire is used as a heavy-handed metaphor, take a drink. |
- Every time Frances McDormand smiles, take a drink.
-Every time you find yourself wondering how her character can afford to support herself and her son on the job she has, take a drink.
-Every time you find yourself wondering if her job provides health or dental insurance, take a drink.
-Every time you find yourself wondering how her character can afford to support herself and her son on the job she has, take a drink.
-Every time you find yourself wondering if her job provides health or dental insurance, take a drink.
| If you find yourself wondering how a dead, depressed town like Ebbing Missouri can support not only a billboard company but a gift shop, take a drink. |
If you find yourself baffled at how the opioid epidemic managed to miss this place, especially with all the trauma and painful injuries the townsfolk are all the time inflicting on each other, chug it all.
Anyone who plays the "Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri" drinking game observantly will be sloshed by the end of the movie. But by the end of this movie that's probably the best way to be.
Anyone who plays the "Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri" drinking game observantly will be sloshed by the end of the movie. But by the end of this movie that's probably the best way to be.
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