Uneasily Sheltering In Place

      Like many of our fellow citizens, Tom and I have been heeding the call of our Ohio Governor Mike Dewine,

...staying home and out of public places, "sheltering in place," as it's being called.
      And I must say that, for me, what's not been to like about it?  
      It's been warm and cozy at home,

...there's plenty of food in the fridge,

...and I'm finding plenty to do:
    Writing my blog or working on my next novel,

...playing the piano,

...going for walks around the neighborhood,

...reading the papers and eating ice cream with my mate,

...and sitting on the couch with him every afternoon to listen to the Governor's daily press conference.

     And, as I haven't done so since around 1985, I could always organize my house,

...should I so desire.

    In truth, I should be leading a pretty sweet existence right now.  And in truth, I would be, because I'm finding sheltering in place to be quite pleasant. Or it would be...If only I weren't so scared.     
     Scared for my children. Scared for my mom. Scared for my siblings. Scared for all my family members. Scared for my friends. Scared for everybody I know and everybody I don't know.
     And, of course, scared for myself. Though, actually, the truth is that I'm not so much scared of catching the coronavirus per se, not that I want to, and it's not even so much that I'm scared of dying of the coronavirus per se, though that's probably because, as was pointed out by the chatty, chess-playing Grim Reaper in the movie "The Seventh Seal" (for all you Ingmar Berman buffs),

...that's not really a subject most people can even wrap their heads around, anyway. (I'm paraphrasing the actual movie quote).  Anyway, I can't either, at the moment.
     No, what actually terrifies me is the thought of catching the coronavirus, having to go to the hospital, and being put on a ventilator. Somehow I can't stand the thought of having to lie in bed for days - weeks? months? -  attached to a tube.
     Late last night I got to thinking about being on a ventilator and I got so frightened  my heart started pounding and I was on the verge of crying. I had to take deep breaths and force myself not to cry.
      Seriously, I've never been so frightened that I felt like I was going to cry.

    When I was twenty years old and living in Europe I once got lost in Rome on Christmas day and I didn't speak any Italian and had no idea where my youth hostel was, all I knew was that it was on the other side of town from where I was and I had no idea how I was going to get back there, and I still didn't feel this scared. 

    But late last night, at the thought of being on a ventilator, I felt like I was going to cry.
    Finally I was able to calm myself down with two thoughts:
     1. I used to think that I'd rather die than have to be put inside a full-body MRI machine. And yet when the time came that I once had to get an hour-and-a-half-long MRI, I ended up feeling so calm and comfortable encapsulated inside the machine that I asked the technician to turn off the James Taylor so I could take a nap. It was a wonderful nap.
      2. Maybe if my turn comes to need a ventilator there won't be enough available for me to be put on one, in which case I figure I'll just have to swim through it on my own...or maybe play chess with the Reaper.